Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
