I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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