I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Green mimosas i think yes
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That accounts for only three of the penises
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize