I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
