He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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