hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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