Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
