Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
