I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
whose parrot is this?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
