You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize