Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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