I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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