brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
