it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
