I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
