And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
