I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
