Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
