I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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