I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
