apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I party with great urgency now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
