dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
