we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
