connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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