Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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