When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
