He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
