GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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