At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize