The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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