he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
