Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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