I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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