I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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