The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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