You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
