don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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