I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
