i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
