Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize