I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The air taste purple.
Randomize
