i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize