Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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