that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
