I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
