This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
