she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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