Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
