Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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