i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
