Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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