I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
