I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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