Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm at about main and main street
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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