it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
