You just made me feel so damn special
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Me too!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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