Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
