Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
