Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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