I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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