I think I died a long time ago.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
