i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have fence marks all over my body
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
