I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
