This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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