oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
