just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
