Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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