what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
