: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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