Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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