You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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