Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
