Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
