I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize