No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
