yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
