Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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