Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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