dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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