I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
