My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
