Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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