I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
