She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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