I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Bring me that man meat
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
