One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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