he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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