I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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