I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
