you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
