I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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