exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
