omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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