I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
