ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
