There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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