So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
