found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
